Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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