she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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