my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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