i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize