This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
