Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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