Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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