sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
