You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
