I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
