ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
