dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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