i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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