Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
