i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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