Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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