the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish i was in the wii world.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
