Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
