Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
