three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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