I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Green mimosas i think yes
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
