First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
