around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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