All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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