She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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