Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
