That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
