We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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