there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
