I looked at my own cervix.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
