And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize