I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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