Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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