I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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