Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
