There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
