I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
