and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
