A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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