my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
