is your mom at the bar?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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