I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
