just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
