I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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