I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
