A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize