I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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