I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
