Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
