I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
