it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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