I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
pop tarts are not kleenex
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
