Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
