We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
