you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
