3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
