a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she smelled like a LAN party
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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