i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
