I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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