Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I came so hard my ears popped.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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