After last night, I could never be a politician.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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