i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You smell like stripper and shame
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
