Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
