Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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