I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
