Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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