..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
