I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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