she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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