im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
