I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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