i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So much Jack, so little girl.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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