Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
