I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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