Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
