it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
