so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
