i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
