you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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