You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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