did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
