I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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