gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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