Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
