Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
