i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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