you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
