while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
