im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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