Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
