At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
